Afterwards

 Elly woke up screaming incoherently, crying and flailing in her bed. Her throat hurt and her eyes were so tear-filled that she was literally blinded by grief. She couldn't hear anything either, until she choked on air and her own saliva and had to swallow. Then a low, comforting tone slowly permeated her dulled senses.

"...okay, it's okay honey. I'm here. I know. I know I'm not enough right now but - Ches?"

"Sh - Sho?"

"Oh, thank god." He curled his arms tighter around her, pulling her alongside him so she was cradled to his warm chest. "I thought you weren't coming out of it that time."

A crippling wave of guilt struck her.

The man holding her so tenderly, rocking her in his arms through her grief... <i>was the wrong one.</i>

Smelled wrong.

This scent was bitter coffee and a fuzzy, warm sleepy smell.

<i>Leather and sweet, bubblegum fruity shampoo</i>

Felt wrong.

The arms around her were very strong and bulked with muscle.

<i>Wiry strength, not too much and so, so gentle</i>

Wrong. It was all wrong! Why? Why did she -

"You've done <i>nothing</i> wrong."

She blinked at the shadowy figure in the darkness. "What?"

"It's what comes after your nightmares. Fear, grief ...and finally, guilt. He wanted you to find someone to help you, remember? He even set it up so that you would be under my care, knowing I would do my best because I'd loved you as long as he did."

She started to shake again and he kissed her forehead softly. "I never should have gotten you this involved," she husked painfully. "It's not fair. I wanted to stay single <i>forever</i>."

"You're not moving on or letting go by being with me; you know that. You told me many times that grief is not about leaving someone behind us. It is about learning to bring them along as we create space for new things... and new <i>people</i>." He stroked a few locks of damp hair away from her cheeks and kissed her again, this time on the mouth. Her tears had gathered in the contours of her lips and he sighed as he tasted the faint saltiness.

"I miss him so much," she whimpered faintly.

Aizawa nodded. "I know," he said sadly. "I do, too."

"I wish it had been m -"

"<i>No</i>." He cut her off quickly with a word and a passionate kiss, rolling on top of her. His stubble scatched on her cheeks and chin and his lips were a little chapped. It felt different from what her mind registered as "right" and focused her on this <i>new</i> normal. "Don't go down that path, please," he begged. "I love you. I need you here."

She sniffled and clutched his back as it surged powerfully above her. "I don't want to say it."

"I know." He shrugged and kissed her again, softer this time and with a hint of wetness on his lips as well. "It's okay. The difference is enough. Not <i>wanting</i> and <i>unable</i> are very different things, hmm?"

She nodded silently, more guilt bubbling up inside her.

"That's enough for me," he said with a rare smile. Elly squirmed and looked more uncomfortable, not meeting his eyes at first, but when she did what he saw was familiar. He lightly caressed the side of her face, wiping away tears as he went. "Do you want me to help?"

Another nod.

"Tell me, then," he said quietly. "I know it's hard, but you to say exactly what you need. This isn't like telling me what I already know. That will come in time. This is for now."

Elly clung to him and he kissed her several times, not on the mouth but on her eyelids, cheeks and nose. She took a deep breath. "I want you to make love to me."

"All right," he said softly.

"And - and I need it to be very slow." She frowned. "Does that make sense?"

He nodded. "You want to come to terms that it's me loving you."

She choked up again but forced herself to answer. "Yes."

Aizawa closed his eyes, sighing roughly. "I can do it for you. Remember, if you need me to stop be sure to say 'red' or 'yellow'. Can you remember that?"

She hesitated. The last time they tried, she'd lost herself too deeply in her grief and screamed <i>his</i> name in agony. Aizawa had immediately stopped and bundled her in a blanket. He tried his best, but it had taken hours and he was finally forced to dissolve a couple of the tranquilizers the hospital had given her in a cup of tea to calm her down.

Elly forced her ears up and nodded. "I can do it."

He rested his head in the crook of her neck. "You're so brave," he whispered.

She didn't feel particularly strong, in fact she felt broken in pieces. But he gathered her in those strong arms and undressed her, praising her the whole time and covering every bit of flesh with kisses as it was exposed.

He only wore a pair of loose sweatpants, and he left those for last. Once the cloth was slithered down over his hips he bent forward and playfully nipped her neck.

"Are you okay?"

"I - I want..." She paused, breathing hard. "This might be a little difficult for you -"

"Tell me." He propped himself up above her.

"Can you bite me a little harder like that?"

Aizawa ran a finger along her jaw. "Is it punishment for enjoying yourself, or do you think you'll find enjoyment in the punishment?"

"I'm really not sure," she confessed. "I just know that when you used your teeth a little, I - I wanted more. It felt good."

He groaned, a deep, wrenching sound. "Kitten, I know you liked it, but ..."

"It's okay," she gasped. "Don't force yourself if you don't wanna."

"Oh, but I <i>do</i>," Aizawa growled lowly. "I want to kiss and suck and <i>bite</i> on your pretty, pale skin so that everyone sees it. So they know you're mine." He paused to let his obvious arousal sink in, then added in a strained, though calmer voice, "That's why I suggest we stop. You'll respond badly to seeing the marks later on."

She screwed her eyes tightly shut, steeling herself, and bared her fangs at him. "Mark me. <i>Do it, Aizawa Shota</i>!"

His full name spoken in such passion unnerved him. He hid his face in the crook of her neck, kissing, as his dark hair floated up. "You say you want this, and I can't hold back anymore. Please, please ..." He shook his head, leaving the sentence unfinished, and bared his teeth on her neck instead. She moaned softly, rolling her head back to give him better access. "Sexy," he muttered right before his teeth closed gently on a small patch of skin.

The wet heat of his tongue soothed the sharp pain of the biting and sucking. Aizawa peppered her with attention, following each bite and nip with kisses and low, rumbling sex talk. He kept a careful ear out for any protest, and flinched whenever she moved at first. But when her hands moved they went for his head, fingers burying in his wealth of black hair to egg him on.

"<i>Yesss</i>..."

"You really like that."

"The pain makes me feel alive. And you're the one keeping me that way."

He sighed raggedly and hung his head, bending to set his forehead behind her neck while his arms reached around her. "Keep fighting, Ches. One day it won't feel like it's as hard."

The love they made was slow and lazy. Aizawa held back, edging away mere seconds from orgasm until he was sure their act had fully enthralled her. When she began to pant and moan, whispering his name and begging for something - pleasure, a brief respite from mourning, she didn't know what -- he gave in at last.

It was difficult living with her as the second-best man in her life. Aizawa knew he would always be the one she didn't pick, but rather found after the tragedy. He supported her without question and would continue to do so even if she didn't want him as a lover anymore. The pain and stress was weighing on him, too, and this was one of his outlets. He arched his back, sweating, straining, giving this moment his all and listening to her cries picking up the pace in urgency. It was only after he felt her begin to shake that he let go, and his release was so potent he felt his eyes burn as his quirk flared up.

After, as they lay together in the silent, oppressive darkness, he told her he loved her over and over again.

Her last words before falling asleep were uttered softly into his chest.

"I'll always love you, Hizashi."

Aizawa smiled bitterly and stroked her hair. "I know," he said quietly.