Funny Business

(1)

Aizawa's had a thoroughly disgusted look on his face when Elly came across him that day on campus. There was a garishly dressed woman tugging on his arm, one of the teachers from the other schools U.A was hosting for a certain event. She didn't recognize her but that didn't matter; what she heard was more than enough to send her into a blind rage.

"C'mon, Eraser! Just one kiss! You'll never know if you don't try, right?"

"Go away, Joke," he sighed dismally.

But she persisted, going so far as to try and grab him around the neck. He pulled back before she could get a hold, and the aqua-haired woman spun about, her eyes widening as she lost balance and nearly fell.

"Hey! This isn't funny," she yelped angrily. "What gives?!"

Aizawa's bloodshot eyes narrowed. He deduced what was happening and saw he needed to defuse a potentially dangerous situation fast. "Cheshire," he called out firmly, "It's okay."

A pair of pale lavender eyes glowed into focus beside Ms. Joke's head. "Really? So heroes can sexually assault people now?"

He sighed, the reached out and placed a hand where he surmised her shoulder was. She flashed back to visibility at his touch, her brow drawn and fangs bared. "It's not worth it," he shrugged. "She just thinks she's funny. It's her quirk, after all."

Ms. Joke blinked. "Cheshire? Ohhhh, the stripey cat lady working at U.A. now." She paused, then inevitably laughed. "I'd say nice to meet you, but given the circumstances ..." She shrugged, or at least tried to in the Insanity Hero's tight grip. "You can call me Emi."

Elly looked like she would very much like to call her something else. She dropped her captive with what sounded like a string of curses in English.

"I'm going back to the dorm," she growled, switching back to Japanese for their benefit. She then stalked off, her tail waving angrily behind her.

"She's charming," Emi drawled. "Now, where were we - hey! Where'd he go?!"


(2)

A group were going to meet up for drinks with the staff from the other schools. Elly had been invited, but...

"Isn't Ches coming?" Aizawa looked over his shoulder briefly as they walked out of the dorm.

"Nah," Hizashi shrugged. "She said she would only ruin our fun or something."

Kayama's lips were tightly pressed together. "What she said was 'I'd only spoil the joke'."

"Same thing."

"No, Yamada - it's not." She pointed a ruby-red nail at the bundle of boundless energy that had come dashing out of a corner to launch herself at Aizawa. "She meant her. She doesn't want to be around Joke."

"Why n - oh." He blinked, watching his scruffy friend try and fend off the overeager woman. "Ohhhhh," he repeated, his eyes widening.

"Yeah."

"Well, shit." Hizashi scratched his neck where some of his long, blond hair had come free of its bun. "Shouldn't we do something? Anything? He can't stand her, yanno."

The commotion in front of them grew louder momentarily, and then their taciturn friend was storming towards them.

"That's it. I'm not going." Aizawa had finally had enough.

"Come back! I wanted to ask what you thought good names for our kids would be!"

"Shit." He bolted for the safety of the teacher's dormitory, sprinting harder than when he was on patrol fighting villains.

He found Elly inside, bumbling about the kitchen area in a soft t-shirt and sweats.

"Oh, hey." She flicked her ears at him as she took a bag of popcorn out of the microwave. "Aren't you going out?"

He flopped down on a chair nearby with a sour look on his face. "I decided I would rather not."

"Huh." Elly pulled the bag open and it tore off center, causing her to yelp as the steam burned her. "Damn it!"

Aizawa was on his feet in a flash. "Let me see."

"See what? I'm an idiot," she groaned, shaking her hand. "Ouch."

He grasped it quickly in midair and pulled her in for a closer inspection. "Sink. Now."

"But -"

He nudged her with his body and she went without any further complaint. Elly watched him closely as he ran cold water on her hand. His expression was enigmatic as always, but he seemed to take extra care patting her dry and peering at the skin.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Of course not," she murmured. "That wasn't really necessary, you know."

He snorted. "You cried out loud enough."

He was still gently holding her hand in his warm, rough palm. She jerked it back, her ears flattening. "It startled me, that's all. Besides, I was hurting far more earlier and you didn't care." She bit her lip, wincing. She hadn't meant to admit that.

Aizawa frowned. "What do you -"

"Do you want to join me? I was going to curl up on the couch and watch a movie." She lifted the bag of popcorn, shaking it with a bug, nervous grin. "If we get a bowl we can share."



(3)

"I'm going after him!" Ms. Joke would not be put off by the scruffy man's continuous rejections. Hizashi bravely tried to bar her way but only ended up delaying her a bit. She made it to the dormitory after causing him to laugh so uncontrollably he nearly wet himself. Kayama raised an eyebrow at the howling man on the road and then followed Joke herself.

Emi paused in the act of barging in and froze, frowning at the sight in front of her. She rubbed her eyes and blinked hard. Aizawa sat close beside the counselor, one arm draped over the back of the couch behind her. As she watched, he leaned over and then paused, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking at her as she was focused on the television screen.

"Uh... is this a joke?!"

A hand descended on her shoulder, long nails biting in a little sharply as she started to take a step forward. "Whoa there, Emi. I usually like watching you run Aizawa ragged. But that was before this." Kayama's voice was firm. "It won't end well."

Back on the couch the scruffy man had been caught staring a little too closely. Elly looked up, startled and blushing.

"Hey, 'Zawa," she said softly, "I, uh, didn't really think anyone would be watching this with me when I rented it. Is it okay?"

"It's fine," he mumbled. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." She rubbed absently at one furry ear, trying not to think about how good he smelled - like a warm, cozy nap.

"How did I hurt you ...before?"

She froze, the movie and her lazy comfort sitting beside him forgotten. Now his closeness could - and probably would -- become embarrassing, and she tried very hard to think of a way to answer that didn't put her feelings on the line.

She took so long to answer that he guessed.

"I didn't mean to sound like I was defending her." He grimaced. "I wasn't."

Elly laid her ears carefully on either side of her head and sighed. "Okay, look. Yes, she pissed me off because I got jealous." She looked away, blushing hard and mortified at the ugly emotion that hinted at another, deeper one. "I'm sorry -"

Aizawa took her chin in his hand and tilted gently up. "Don't be," he told her seriously. "While I may be calculating while battling villians or grading students, I'm inept at matters like this."

"Like..?"

"This." He placed his mouth on hers and awkwardly waited for her to take over. Elly's heart hammered in her chest and her stomach fluttered crazily at the touch. She brushed her lips on his. They were dry and chapped, and without thinking she lightly traced them with her tongue. He gasped and parted them, pressing forward with his hand sliding around to cup the back of her head. They moved slowly, lingering on this first kiss as their tongues met and tangled together. She heard his breathing start to grow heavier and reached out to run her hands through his hair.

"Oh, Shota," she whispered.

The casual use of his given name inflamed him. Aizawa groaned and pulled her onto his lap. "Th - this okay?"

"Yes. But ...privacy?"

"The others are working, asleep, or at the bar by now." He rubbed her back gently. "I - I don't want to get carried away. Being out here may curb my intentions."

"Oh?" Her forked tail fluffed out at this. "And just what is it that you want so badly?"

He pulled her even closer and she breathed in sharply as his eyes suddenly burned bright red, his hair floating upward. "You."



(4)

They kissed passionately, their hands exploring carefully under each other's clothing without removing anything. The sounds were soft and low and wet, mixed with husky, breathy pants and a cry now and then.

"Ahh..."

"Mnn!"

"So soft."

A beat, then,

"So hard."

Aizawa chuckled at this. "You want hard?"

"What if I do, Shota?" Her hand dipped lower, running along his belly and toying ticklishly at his navel.

"Cheshire," he choked, "do you remember why I wanted to stay in the open?"

"Yes." She nibbled the sensitive skin on his neck, sucking on the jumping pulse and working up to his ear to whisper. "You wanted to hold back. But don't you want to make love to me, Shota?" Her hand squeezed the bulge in his pants, kneading delicately.

He closed his eyes briefly. "Naughty kitten," he groaned darkly. "You know I do. You can probably smell as well as feel my arousal, hmm?"

She nodded. "I want you to know, uh, I'm not usually this forward. It's just that it feels right. This. Us."

"Yes," he murmured. "I agree... but not here. If you're going to be my girlfriend I'm treating you even better now."

"I was getting special treatment before?!"

His shoulders moved in a nearly imperceptible shrug. "We need to rent a room at a love hotel."

"Oh." Her cheeks burned even hotter. "I, uh, we don't have those where I'm from, so I'm not sure..."

"I've never used one before, either," he murmured, his hand idly stroking her tail. "I know who to ask for suggestions, though it will likely open us to a great deal of teasing later." He took out his phone with a resigned sigh. "Neither one of us knows a suitable place, though, and the logical choice is ask someone who does."

Seconds later a loud chime caused them to jump guiltily around.



(5)

Kayama stood there, hand still on Emi's shoulder in a vice-like grip while her other held up her phone. The four heroes stared rather stupidly at each other and then Aizawa frowned.

"How long have you both been there?"

"Never mind," the dark-haired woman blurted out with glee. "That doesn't matter. There's a place close by, very nice and discreet towards Pro Heroes." She put her phone back and dug around in her purse, muttering to herself. She let go of Ms. Joke when she did, and Emi rubbed her lips with one hand, trying to think of something - anything -- funny to say.

For once in her life, she couldn't.

Which was probably a good thing, since Elly was so enraged at being spied on that she was growling ominously under her breath. Aizawa stroked her ears, soothing her.

"Here it is!" Kayama triumphantly held up a glossy black card. She walked over and handed it to him. "The nice building with all the flowers out front by that one restaurant - you know, the one we went to last week. "

He nodded. "Thank you." He stood, simply picking Elly up with him as he went. She mewed in surprise but didn't protest, and after a quick check to see if he had his wallet, he strode out the door.

"I guess love is a very funny business," Joke chuckled ruefully as she watched the two walk off into the night.