Golden, 8

It had been a full night's sleep and a wonderful breakfast when they woke at a small cafe. Shota felt refreshed at last in a way he hadn't in ages. His mind kept returning to the shower they had shared so comfortably, taking turns washing each others' backs in the warm stream of water.

It had all felt different than anything he had experienced before. He was smiling when he got out of the cab and paid the driver, and he thought nothing could change that until he saw his childhood friend coming up the walk at a brisk pace towards him.

Still, maybe she wasn't here to chew him out this time. "Hello, Kayama."

She gave him a penetrating look. "You didn't answer my text last night."

He sighed and opened the front door. "I was probably sleeping."

"Oh? Hitoshi said you had a date."

Shota made a mental note to talk to his son about that. "I did. And then I went to sleep."

Kayama unabashedly followed him into the kitchen where he set up a pot of coffee to brew later. "Not here, though."

"I wasn't aware you were in charge of my life."

"I'm not," she said angrily. "But I'm your friend and you haven't been talking to me lately."

Shota checked the fridge to make sure his son had left enough food for tonight. He swore the way that teenager ate made it seem like he had a tapeworm or something. It was full, and he guessed he had ordered out instead of raiding it this time. "Kayama, I don't talk to you lately because all you do is criticize me."

"Is this about your ... girl?"

"Woman," he corrected mildly.

"Yeah, of course. What did you do this time?"

He sighed and placed his hands on the counter, facing her. "We went to the art exhibit. Then we went back to the hotel."

"I saw the photos." She held her phone up. "There's no way she bought that jewelry. Even if it was costume it would cost a fortune. And yet, here I am assuming it's real. Am I right?"

He flushed a little. "So I bought her jewelry. So what?"

"Shota," Kayama sniffed. "You give her money and expensive things to fuck. You're a sugar daddy, kiddo."

"We've never even had sex!" He snapped, unaware that she had goaded him into the one thing he hadn't wanted to admit.

"What." Her stare was incredulous. "Are you seriously telling me you've never gotten in her pants?!"

Shota grimaced. This was his fault for letting his emotions get the better of him; he had to find a way out. "No, we have sexual relations, just not ... actual sex."

She huffed under her breath. "You - Shota, it's been nearly three months!"

"It's closer to two," he pointed out.

"Does she refuse you? Have you tried going for it?"

"Kayama, please..."

"Well?"

Shota sat with a heavy sound on the couch, covering his eyes with a shaky hand. "I didn't want to try."

This was all true.

Sure, the acts they had engaged in seemed more intimate, but he felt differently in his heart about sex. She never pressed him, but he had seen how excited she was with the toy cast from his own body. He thought she would willingly succumb to any of his advances, but making love was exactly that to him - love.

He would have to admit this to himself before he could do it.

And how could he admit it without opening himself up to heartbreak?

His friend was saying something. He opened his eyes and listened.

"Look, I'm sorry if I'm hard on you a lot. I saw those other girls you were with, and it just -" She screwed up her face as if she had just bit into a lemon, "they were all using you in one way or another. So naturally, I want to make sure this one isn't."

"She's not."

"Of course she's not!" She snapped angrily. "Been with you for so long, goes on a boring as hell art trips with your dumb ass and loves it, plus you just told me you're not boning!"

"Please don't say it like that..."

"You told me once she tries to say she doesn't need the money, too. I didn't really believe it, but is it true?"

"Yes." She slapped him upside the head at once and he yelped. "What's wrong with you?!"

"I thought she was the one using you. Are you sure you're not using her?"

Speechless, he stared at her in horror for several long seconds, until she nodded quietly to herself and left him with his thoughts. The front door clicked shut behind her but he barely heard it.

No.

He wasn't using her.

Shota fought with himself to get his breathing under control. His heart felt like someone had caught it up in a giant fist and squeezed it tight.

But...

He did pay her to do basically what he wanted, right? When had they ever gone to do anything she suggested? He liked giving her money and jewelry and - well, everything -- but she had told him that she didn't want that, too.

He slowly shook his head. It felt safer, imagining their relationship as pay-for-play. Unlike the times when he was the one getting used, he controlled things as long as he gave her money. If he stopped, it would be a "real" relationship, and to admit that meant...

Oh. Oh, no.

"Hey, dad?"

Shota jumped guiltily. "Hitoshi! How long..?"

"Long enough," he said drily. He sat next to his father on the couch and rubbed a hand through his messy purple hair. "You really like this woman, don't you?"

"Uh..."

"Aunt Kayama is nosy as hell, but she might be right. It would be nice to see you happy again."

"I am happy, Hitoshi. Don't think that you don't -"

The teen cut him off with a low chuckle. "No, don't give me that crap. You're lonely. I was that way, too, even though I have you and Eri and Auntie. Then I found someone that makes me feel even better. You need a partner, not just us kids."

Shota rubbed at the stubble on his face, staring blearily at the younger man beside him. "You're right," he admitted grudgingly. He didn't burden him with his thoughts of uncertainty and simply nodded. "Do you think Eri will be as understanding?"

"You kidding me? She's dying for a mom. I thought that was one of the reasons you didn't want to introduce us too fast. But, look, you're in this one for the long haul, aren't you?" He got up and started shuffling around in the kitchen looking for a pre-lunch snack.

Shota sat there on the couch for a long time.