Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Counseling: the slap

 Elly sat up all at once, gasping for air. She rubbed her cheek and stared into the darkness of the room as she tried to pull herself together.


The toilet flushed in the bathroom and Hizashi wandered back in, yawning quietly and stretching both arms above his head. He rubbed at his eyes and squinted before nodding to himself and crawling back under the covers.

"Bad dream, princess?" His voice was soft, sympathetic. He reached out and stroked her furry ears, causing her to jerk upright.

"Oh! Sorry, I was, uh. Yeah. Bad dream."

"Wanna talk 'bout it?" Hizashi laid down and beckoned towards his bare chest. She sighed and sank into his arms, resting her cheek over his side to listen to his steady heartbeat. "Your parents..?"

"Yeah."

It was his turn to sigh. "Please go on."

"You know how I was out of school because of my fainting? Well, eventually they wanted to throw me back in again. Because, of course, I had to 'be normal'. Doctors didn't say it was okay, but they told me that I would go to school the next day. <i>All at once!</i> After all my anxiety over it... like it would somehow be okay."

"Ouch. That would be scary." He began stroking her hair as she continued, running his fingers through her bed-messy, purple locks.

"I was terrified. I ran into my room but they followed and cornered me like an animal, two against one, as I curled into a ball and cried. So, my mom asks what's wrong. I say nothing, well aware that whatever I say will be taken the wrong way and, he'll, not knowing what <i>to</i> say. How can I convince them it's hell? That every second there is torture? They don't understand! I'm not just 'being a teenager that dislikes school', I was literally <i>tortured</i> there."

"They threw stones at you. I can't see how anyone could dismiss that."

"I don't get it, either. So she repeats herself, I can say <i>whatever I want</i>, it's okay, just talk to them. I lost it. I lost my absolute shit at them, hon, for the first and only time."

Hizashi winced.

"I screamed '<i>fuck you!</i>' and was about to open the freaking floodgates of rage, and helplessness... I would have started talking to them. For real. I felt it. But my stepfather slapped me because I cursed at him." Her body tensed, and he could feel heat and wetness on his skin as she cried a little at the memory. "Every single time I tried to do anything to stand up for myself or be my true self, they stopped it. I just froze, curled up tighter and cried harder. I never opened up like I was going to. He stopped me. The bastard <i>stopped me from expressing myself in my moment of need</i>."

"And possibly healing," he added. "Or starting the process." He kissed her forehead when she raised her face to his.

"Why?" She asked brokenly. "I know the - the reason, but why was it this way? Why didn't they listen? Why did the kids, teachers, physchiatrists and psychologists and my own family <i>all</i> hurt me?!"

Hizashi's brows drew together. He couldn't answer that, so he concentrated on holding her until she grew drowsy again instead.








No comments:

Post a Comment