Attack of the Fangirl

"Attack of the Fangirl"

orig. 12/10/2013

One Piece - Elly x Zoro, adult

(specific response to young trolls)

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Roronoa Zoro slung the bundle he had with him on the bed. "It's not much," he noted, glancing around the room.

"Hah?" The bundle wriggled and a purple-striped form shot out. Elly yawned, showing all of her sharp little teeth. She sniffed a few times and stared at him questioningly. He snorted.

"Should be better considering what I paid." Elly shrugged herself into her more human form and sat up on the edge of the bed. Her tail twitched as she watched the grumpy man fold his arms.

"It's not too bad." She smiled, flashing those sharp fangs at him again. "And you saved a bunch by having a stowaway." The big man's eyes narrowed and he was next to her in one fluid motion, snaking an arm around her waist and grinning more fiercely than the nekomata herself.

"You know what pirates do to stowaways?"

"Yeek!" There was much laughter and muffled growling from both parties as they fell back over the bed. The door handle turned a little. It was a soft sound and neither heard it; they were too busy. Besides, Zoro had locked it. No reason to worry. His boots hit the floor and soon clothing was being flung out from under the bed sheets. A wadded-up haramaki hit the door with a loud bump and the rattling grew more pronounced. The knob began to jerk back and forth frantically.

"Stay still. I'm gonna keelhaul you."

"Under what?" More laughter and a low growl from Zoro.

"Oh no! The horror of being dragged under your body..." Pause. "Um. Again and again." She purred faintly.

"Get underneath, dammit!" Various cat sounds and playful reprimands were cut short as the door rattled more furiously than ever and then it slammed open. A young girl tumbled in head over heels with a shocked gasp. She hit the edge of the bed frame and then sat up, whimpering and rubbing a lump that was just starting to form on her forehead. She looked up and her eyes widened, then narrowed.

"What are you DOING?!" she screeched.

"What the hell?!" Zoro flattened himself over the nude woman in bed with him in an attempt to hide her nudity. "Get out! Shut the door!" Elly jerked with stunned amazement and echoed his statements. But the girl was shaking her fist at them.

"You're sick! You can't do this!" The diminutive little creature stamped her foot. Elly peered out from between a crook in the big man's arms.

"Excuse me?" Her ears pricked forward. Now that she was paying attention she could see it was a skinny slip of a human. She was young, and the older woman blushed at the idea that she had seen them together. That shouldn't happen. "Where's your parents?" Another furious stamp. It appeared from the look on the girl's face that stamping on carpet wasn't that satisfying.

"You're not even supposed to be here!" She whined. Zoro raised an eyebrow. He was trying to extricate himself from Elly without exposing them both in the process. Apart from several very moist sounds and one embarrassing moment when he dropped the sheet from his clenched fist he wasn't getting anywhere. He finally growled angrily and flopped back down.

"Paid for the room. Can be anywhere I want," he said firmly. The girl's face twisted with rage. Elly noticed with distaste that she was even younger than she had originally thought.

"But she's not even human! That's ...ew!"

"Listen, kid, this has nothing to do with you." She propped herself up and waved her lover partially off her. As the brilliant kid had pointed out, she wasn't all human. She had cat ears and a tail with double tips on the end, and her canines were quite sharp. She laid those feline ears back in irritation as she tried to reason with the small human.

"Yes it does! I don't want it to happen!" Zoro choked when he heard this. It was unclear whether he was stifling laughter or some other emotion, but the whiny little brat didn't notice. She was too busy staring at the other woman in rage.

"Too late, dear," Elly tried to reason with her. She leveled a finger at the girl and shook it in a scolding fashion. "You're trespassing on our privacy, you know. Didn't your parents teach you manners?"

"I got the door open. You're in trouble!" Now she was virtually hopping up and down on both feet. Watching a preteen throw a screaming temper tantrum was not something either of them wanted to do at that particular moment. Zoro cleared his throat and the kid froze when she heard his voice.

"If you don't want to see it, go away," he grunted.

"It's that simple, kiddo," Elly agreed.

"But you shouldn't be doing this! It's not right!"

"I don't have to justify my actions with you!" She was getting exasperated and her fangs were showing as she snarled. Elly took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. It wasn't worth it, after all. "All of this is because you think this should be you here, isn't it?" She asked pointedly. Now Zoro did choke. His eyes grew wide and he shrank back from the petulant little girl.

"Cat, get her out," he hissed urgently.

"I'm trying." Elly rolled her eyes. "Look. It's not you here. It's me, and I'm old enough to be doing this. Besides, this is a room we paid for and you have no right to yell at us for loving each other." The big man groaned and buried his flaming face in the covers.

"I'm starting to hurt," he pleaded.

"I can't make you leave." The older female shrugged. "But you'd better."

"I'll get the cops." Lank hair swung madly around her red face. She pulled a horrible grimace and Elly averted her eyes with a shudder. "Then you'll be in trouble."

"No, I'm done talking," the older woman muttered. "This is ridiculous."

"You're a - a pedophile!" The kid yelled triumphantly. She had found something she thought was significant. She blinked when the big man slowly resurfaced from under the thin sheets. He turned his face towards her and it was bleak, stern.

"I'm twenty-one," he growled from between clenched teeth. "Legal."

"She's older!"

"So I'm lucky," Elly giggled. "I can love a younger man, can't I?"

"Well, well, you're so old!"

"Robin's 30," Zoro grumbled.

"That's right, isn't it?" Elly mused thoughtfully.

"Yeah." He shrugged.

"I bet you'd put up with this if it was her, girl," she smiled sweetly. "But it's not. And what's the difference, really?"

"But this isn't real - he's not. You're crazy."

"He's not?"

"Not what?" Zoro looked mildly surprised.

"Well. You're not in this manga - this anime -- uh." She stuttered and stared round her wildly. This wasn't anime or manga. They were arguing about something she had said moments before wasn't pertinent. Not if any of this wasn't real.

"If none of it is 'real life' anyway, does it matter?" Elly showed all her teeth in a very nasty grin. Zoro carefully hid a smile behind one hand as she started to get up. "Isn't real life what really, really matters? Not something going on behind closed doors that you aren't supposed to be looking at anyway?"

"Uh."

Elly smiled beautifically. "And if this isn't 'real', that means I can go all primal on your ass and no one can do anything about it." She flexed her claws at the now-trembling youngster, who blanched visibly. She turned suddenly and fled, slamming the door behind her as loudly as she had burst it in moments before.

"Finally," Zoro blew out air in relief. "Still hurt, though."

"Well, let's see what I can do to fix that," Elly purred comfortably.